you don't know how lovely you are

Readers-

Come with me on a break in the timeline. Ireland, yes, is still in the writing - it takes forever for my camera to download pictures, and I don't have a laptop of my own. When I can borrow a laptop from the library, I often have other things to do with it. It will get done, but other things have happened that I need to write about.

Since Ireland, I've entered that final, wistful phase of the year, when summer is bright and beautiful, when the season or something compels you out into wonderful adventures - and yet you're acutely aware that the academic year is almost over. England's summer is blooming and greening everywhere, but as for me, these are my autumn days. In two months time I turn back into a pumpkin. A big, fat, American pumpkin.

I don't think I've done spring, or summer, in England justice in this blog. Everyone has the percecption that England rains all the time, and yes, it often does. But think of where the island is on the globe. It's that much more facing the sun during the summer. We had a thunderstorm last night as my friends and I bunkered down to watch Heat. We didn't finish it (it's really long).

My Dungeons and Dragon's character is going strong. I've been playing since the beginning of the second semester, probably, with friends of mine that I met in my Victorian London class last year. He's a dwarven warrior (like that hasn't been done before). A few weeks ago we spent a whole session, as characters, simply planning how to fortify a town from an impending zombie invasion. We've been living that invasion once weekly since. This week we killed something like 40 zombies between us, and a good portion of that lopping of the horrors of the underdeep was my doing.

I made gumbo, again. Probably two weeks ago. A side note, kind of a Three-Uses-Of-The-Knife kind of way of thinking, is that the only two times I've made gumbo, it's because I was inviting someone I was seeing over. To impress them. And both times our semi-formal "seeing each others" were called off. I'm making gumbo a third time, for the Kenyon-Exeter potluck. I think that's the right way to do it. (I'm not bitter.)

I've been recruited to play Hortensio and Sophocles in an MFA Shakespeare director's production of The Taming of the Tamer (Tamed), his own splicing of The Taming of the Shrew and it's sequel, written in the 18th century and not by Shakespeare, The Tamer Tamed. It's frightening, because three of the other actors are, like, REAL actors. I haven't acted in ages, and on top of that, I know I'm not the best actor in the world. And yet for some reason I'm acting for my thesis.

My thesis was approved: Copenhagen. Acting in Copenhagen, November 13th and 15th. I stopped to think whether I wrote those dates in the British sense or not.

My devised theater piece for Music and Theatre goes up a week from today. I'm trying to write a short scene for it that takes place in cyberspace. We'll see...

My piles of junk lay strewn around my room, a haunting reminder that I'll have to pack them. I brought so many books, for so many different reasons. I feel like a World War I general - I brought so much stuff I had that I thought would be useful, and it turned out some of it was, but for reasons I could never have anticipated. And the rest clutters No Man's Land.

I feel like I've become much more okay with saying "oh well" to things. I don't know if that's necessarily good. I've started doing things I consider "old," not like smoking a pipe or wearing sweaters everywhere, but looking at 18 year olds and wondering what they'll be like when they've matured just a little more - which might make them dateable. Or picking out and planning major events in my 20's, cause I'll never get to try them out agian. Looking at grad schools.

Have I mentioned the snails? I was coming home from the Vicar's house the Sunday after I got back from Ireland - he gave the few students who had gotten back and normally came to Church an informal eucharist in the evening, and invited us all back for potato-leek soup at his house. Walking back, it was dark, and I kept hearing these crunching noises. A tree must be dropping nuts, I thought. I reached the public footpath, which goes along the side of a hill covered in trees and underbrush, looking down on a small valley where cows graze. In the lamp light on this footpath, I could see a snail on the path. I feel bad for snails, particularly on roads, and so I knelt down, tapped the shell a few times so he curled up, and then transported him where it looked like he wanted to go (lightspeed!). I walked a few steps. And there was another one. As I bent down to repeat the process, I noticed that, in the lamplight, there were dozens of snails, I don't want to say "tons" or "hundreds," but maybe something like twenty something that I could see, dotted across the path, communing with the lamps, perhaps? The problem is, the public path isn't always well lit. So I took out my cell phone and walked along the white line in the center of the path. And I hoped I didn't hear anything go crunch.

At some point I'll post the postsecret I wrote for myself on a notecard at the beginning of the year, which, oddly enough, did significantly change my life.

I've played Mario Kart Wii. IT IS AMAZING.

I saw Iron Man. IT IS AMAZING.

I wrote a paper about Tom Stoppard and David Hare as political playwrights, and why they break the mold and establish a better political theater. It was really fun.

***

We went to a party tonight at Wendy's house in Topsham - the final party of the year. Contemporary British Drama finished up its final class with Far Away and Blue Heart by Carol Churchill (which, oddly enough, were both incredibly interesting. "Heart's Desire" is hysterical. Far Away is chilling and beautiful, to a point.). Read made shish-kabobs, among other tastey things. I had a bottle of London Pride - as you might remember, my nominally favorite beer: I picked it up one day at Sainsbury's in the fall because it had a griffin on its label - a glass of white wine, and a guiness. Although this may seem like just a laundry list of alcohol, it was pretty representative of my year. London, classy Exeter parties (one hopes), Ireland. Avery didn't want to see people go. Foss and I shared youtube videos, among which was Coldplay's new songs - they sound amazing. And I actually sat with Wendy and some students and just talked for a bit. Read was mostly cooking, but I did see him, and he was happy to see us. Words were bandied about like "thesis" and "Lentz" and "Wiggin Street" that put me off balance.

You see, I've been smelling the Hill Theater in Winter at odd moments in the day, just for a split second. And I've been reinvigorated to try to direct The Winter's Tale with Shakesperiment. I'm almost kind of longing for the stupid vent in the Black Box that you can never turn off, and thinking about the frozen pathways and slush on Brooklyn Street (is it Brooklyn? Those two that run on either side of Middle Path near the book store) honestly just made me take a breath. The Suicide Lights. I stayed up just reveling in the fact that I'd be out in the world and actually doing something the other night, instead of writing a paper. Some of you may have recieved gleeful postings about my thesis - that was that.

And there's so much of me that I just don't remember from this year, mainly those winter months. There're no... historical qualities to it yet, I can't say "this period in my life was marked by X qualities." But I am starting to look back on September - on Sin, on getting here, and on that horrible night when I was woken up at four in the morning by a fire alarm to go stand in the rain, the night after I had flown in to England with six suitcases - and I'm starting to remember those feelings and events like I remember the Hill Theater (which I almost just spelled with an "re").

The main thing that happened at the party, though, was that I thought about what it'll be like to see my family again for the first time. And I teared up a bit.

So if this is the Final Act, I'm totally ready for it. There's that story about the saint who's playing golf, and an angel comes to him and says "the Armegeddon is going to happen in 15 minutes! Prepare yourself!" And the saint says, "alright. I'll just finish my game." So, time to finish my game.