Rubbers

So, Lysistrata goes up soon, and in acruing props and the like for the production, I have come into the possession, if only through borrowing, of a large rubber penis. It's at least four times as thick as a penis should be, and the veins look like they're about to pop off the thing. It sits in my bag everywhere I go, because wherever I go I'm usually coming from rehearsal, or going to rehearsal.

I don't know what to make of this giant rubber phallice. On the one hand, it's a funny prop. On the other hand, it's frightening to have around all the time. I keep wondering what's going to happen if someone steals my bag, or if my bag falls open and this huge rubber willy protrudes from it. Furthermore, despite my attempts, I cannot seem to find a cheap partner to it that's even half its size, which means the poor Spartan Herald is going to be stuck with the center of a novelty Willy Ring Toss game that looks like someone's big toe compared to this snickerdoodle of a cockfoster. Perhaps it's funnier like that though.

My adventures to try to find said mate took me, last month, into one of the stranger stores in Exeter: Ann Summers. Ann Summers is a chain of naughty lingerie shops, and each Ann Summers has a circle of the least see through lingerie, and on the inside of these racks are the racks of dildos. But they're like £40! When I went in there it was right before Christmas - I expected it to be a dirty sex shop, but no, Ann Summers is barely distinguishable from the Gap, except it's smaller. Furthermore, it was Christmas, so it was PACKED, and there I was in my big overcoat looking thoroughly sad because I couldn't get a dildo, so I looked perverted. Plus, some people had brought STROLLERS in. Strollers, with BABIES. I haven't been back.

Apparently there's a real life adult store somewhere further from the main drag in Exeter, but I'm a little afraid to go there. The poor Spartan Herland will just be left with a tiny £5 pecker.